Monday, September 14, 2009

Universal Whammo

There are days I am so very much amused at the things the Universe throws my way. Especially after I have made statements about my life and how I wish to live it, then WHAMMO something regarding that gets flung at me.

Example: I have come to a realization that I do not wish to live my life without my current relationships; far flung though some of them may be. This means that I wish to continue living as a polyamorous person and do all the work and communication that goes along with this. I waffled for a while, but truly, this makes me happy and so I do not wish to change this.

WHAMMO - I am called up by someone out of the blue who has questions about this very topic. The whole how/what/why/where/when of it all. In essence they say "Look, you are doing this and you seem to have a clue. What can you tell me? Advise me? Which direction can you point me?"

Often I feel totally under prepared to answer things like this - who am I to speak on this subject (and trust me, its more than just poly that gets flung at me)? But, speak I do. Mostly, I lead with my heart and what I'm hearing in the other person's voice or reading in their face/body. Many times, people don't want the nitty gritty, they just really want to know that they are going to be okay. Many times they want advice but I try very hard to lead them to what they already know. Many times I miss the mark and get preachy and advice-giving. Mostly, I try to just listen.

All of this falls under the category of "Priestessing" for me. My spiritual path is a pagan one, and a very eclectic pagan one at that. What I have felt drawn towards in the last year is the idea of not being some kind of leader but being a person who can facilitate and perhaps light a path for others - you know...listening to and maybe giving advice to people who ask....

I feel inadequate at times for the things that are placed in my path, for these opportunities to priestess, but when the same things are placed there again and again in a positive manner, I kind of feel there's a reason I'm put in the situation. Maybe I do have something good to say on the topic or maybe I'm just really easy to talk to. Whatever the case, I guess I just want to say this to the Universe and those that have asked questions of me: Thanks for trusting me.

"To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved"
-George MacDonald

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Small Gifts

I continue to knit. To knit and knit and knit and KNIT.

You see, I have wanted to make something for everyone in my family for Christmas this year, so I have a veritable shit-ton (yes, that is a technical term) of things to finish in the increasingly SHORT time left before the holidays. Eeee!

Even among the panic though, I am comforted by the run of yarn through my fingers. The easy snick-snick the needles make when I'm purling or knitting a stitch. The softness of the finished product as it drops down onto my lap, growing ever longer and longer until I cast off and fold up the giftie into its wee box. :)

It's really not that much of a gift when you look at it. It's a small item. And you could actually buy one at a store without even thinking. This is the attitude I got from my Mom when I told her of my plan. To be exact she said "Oh, that's IT? You aren't getting them anything else?"



We don't really NEED a darn thing in my family. We are all well off enough to have all the geegaws we could ever want. What I want to give my family this year is tiny bits of me - of my gratitude for them. I want them to remember that I sat and ran my hands over every inch of fiber that went into their item, that I picked it out just for them when I got the yarn, that I put love and warmth and joy and happy into every stitch for them.

Sometimes, this life makes it so easy to forget that love doesn't always come with a high price tag and an opulent presentation. Sometimes it comes in the form of a small box filled with wool that has been knotted in a precise fashion to form a small object that someone made just for you and you alone.

“Every gift which is given, even though is be small, is in reality great, if it is given with affection”


Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Choosing the Good Ones

The Year of Firsts has come and gone.

I am feeling rather ambivalent about it, actually. I certainly managed to get through everything just fine. I never really dreaded doing anything or getting through any of the "important dates" on the calendar. As I said in the last post I made, I've gotten through with as much grace as I could muster. :)

So, the question now is - what next? What do I want from my life, now that this section of it is over?

It's a terribly interesting feeling - being able to take my life in any direction I want. As someone I know has put it, I have the chance to write my own story - any story I want for myself.

I know some of the things I am putting in the story: lots of travel, financial stability and plenty, health, family and friends a plenty.

And, a partner to share it all with.

It sounds like a wonderful story to me. I think I shall enjoy writing it.

"Thoughts become things...choose the good ones"
-Mike Dooley