Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Yes, Virginia, Grammar Counts

I am still on several dating websites, even though I've lost a lot of interest in the idea of "dating" of late (and that's a whole other post). On one of these sites, which caters to the kinky, one can keep a "journal" there and write little snippets etc.

After one evening of perusing the site, I wrote a journal post there in a fit of pique. I wrote about several items but the first was "Grammar counts". I know that in the world of the internet, good writing skills are not highly prized. But, on a site where one is representing oneself solely through the written word, doncha think that at least using spell check would be in order? I'm not even going to talk about the problem most people apparently have with homonyms OR the fact that if you are someone who likes to control your partner you are a DOMINANT, not, as so many seem to think, a "dominate".

After I posted this little rant, I fully expected to be flamed mercilessly. I mean, how DARE I expect cohesive sentences and proper spelling!!!

Well, it took a few months, but I did get the first sorta flame-y email. The main question posed in the email was: Wasn't I more interested in a person's thoughts, feelings and who they are than whether or not they had grammar skills???


Of COURSE I'm more interested in getting to know someone more than using a red pen on their profile. Yet...

...first impressions count for a lot.

More importantly, I've had friends and lovers dump me because I was "talking too smart" or "acting too smart". I really don't want to repeat that, as it was pretty hurtful at the time to be told that I was a snob for using words not everyone understood and that I was doing it "on purpose". I just want to be me without worrying that I'm too this or that or having to watch what I say just to make someone else feel comfortable.

Even more importantly, this site is designed to bring together folks from either side of the D/s equation. Many are on there representing themselves as someone who can train another or aid someone in becoming more disciplined in their life. Yet, they can't be bothered to even spell check or to write a complete sentence? To me, this bodes not well for their abilities elsewhere when that writing is the only thing I have to go by as to whether or not I wish to contact them. They could be the best person in the world of BDSM, but how would I know that from the l33t speak and the abbreviations of three letter words that they have put out there. They demand respect and attention to detail from their S.O's but do not care to have it for themselves? I don't grok it.

Therefore, I stand by my thought that grammar counts. Especially when the only thing you have representing you is your words.

“Life is tons of discipline. Your first discipline is your vocabulary; then your grammar and your punctuation Then, in your exuberance and bounding energy you say you're going to add to that. Then you add rhyme and meter. And your delight is in that power.” -Robert Frost

Topical Solutions

Now that the divorce is final, I'm wondering a bit about the name of this blog and the topics it is going to cover.

I'm beyond the separation portion - hell, I'm beyond the "getting divorced" portion. Now I can refer to the ex AS the "Ex" and not the "STB-Ex". Plus, I really think I've talked myself out on the emotional crazy of getting divorced. I want to focus more on what I'm doing NOW and not what has occurred in the past.

Topics I've talked about on here before include both knitting and sex. I really like both of those topics so I'm sure they'll pop up again (and again.) However, I will say that I don't expect to blend the two. As a new knitter, if I have enough concentration to continue purling while having sex, something is NOT RIGHT.

Knitting and sex are two very hot topics on the web these days as well. I mean, if the blog isn't about yarn its about dildos, really. Rarely is it both though (and please don't link me to the five hundred thousand sex and knitting blogs out there that I am SURE exist.) so maybe I'm venturing into new territory? Maybe not.

Still, as I've said from the beginning, this is my little corner of the intarweeb and I'm gonna talk here about what I want.

I will say that part of this is also about my need to write. It's not so much that I "want" to have a blog or be on the internet, but that I have a need to write stuff out. This seems as good a way as any to get some stuff down, work on my writerly skills and have fun doing so. We all know its more difficult to write when there is no direct topic, hence my attempt at naming some for this blog.

So, welcome to Amicable Separation Part Deux: The Search for Personal Happiness During My Year of Firsts Via Knitting and Sex Blog.

"Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia"
-E. L. Doctorow

Monday, May 18, 2009

Step away sloooowly...

The thing is...

...there's just some stuff that no one else gets, man.

13 years of in-jokes.

Wanna know why I want to stay friends with the ex? Because no one else in the world (save two other people) understands why I find some things just so frakking hilarious.

And trust me, I know I'll build in jokes with others - that is not the issue here. There are many many in-jokes to come. Heck, there's a couple new ones with new people already.

It just sucks that I have to explain why I'm nearing tears of laughter in the checkout aisle when I see something that hits those buttons. *SIGH*

Why explain? Cuz otherwise I'm the weird cackling lady in the grocery line and everyone moves a step back. Heh.

"I'm one of those regular weird people"
-Janis Joplin

Thursday, May 14, 2009

This week was the court date for the divorce. I took several moments before entering the building to stand in the sunlight and just breathe; to ground and center in an attempt to quash the emotions I'd been wrestling for the past few weeks.

It was just the Judge, the clerk, himself and I in the courtroom. He had to be sworn in to answer questions. "Yes, we attempted to reconcile." "No, for me there is no chance of getting back together." "Yes, we both understand we can't ask for anything from the other after this day." The minutes ticked by, moving us ever closer to dissolution. (That's what we were doing, dissolving our marriage. An interesting way of looking at it, as we had dipped it in acid a long time ago and it was pretty well dissolved before we got in front of the judge.)

I tried hard to keep a tight hold on my reactions when the judge used the big "ka-CHUNK" stamp on our paperwork but the sound was so large and final I couldn't help recoiling a bit.

Less than twenty minutes from when things started it was over.

We sat outside under the crabapple trees that were clinging to their last few blooms and talked. He filled me in on what was going on with him and the gf. He talked about how they were paying down their debt, putting in a garden, how the dog loved the house, silly kitty antics, how he was cooking dinner every night and helping with the housework each week.....

Somewhere after the first wave of absolute rage at the Stevie Homemaker attitude he'd so recently acquired after YEARS of begging him to even mow the lawn I realized something very important. This man has not loved me in a very, very long time. And after that, after knowing beyond all doubt that he didn't figure things out last August, or even last February when he left our bedroom, but that it had been years since he had truly loved me and cared about my well being it was very very easy to be delighted that I am no longer bound to him in any way.

We walked away from each other, him to his happy new home, me to a cold and waiting margarita with friends (real friends know when tequila is necessary.). And, as if he was an eyelash on my fingertip, I exhaled and blew him away, wishing for happiness for both of us from here on out.