Schvantzes-a-Swinging!

Through some kind of bizzaro osmosis I seem to have picked up an inordinate amount of knowledge of Jewish culture and religion. Maybe it was in reaction to my very-much-a-gentile-Grandmother's wish that I would someday marry a "nice Jewish man". Maybe I figured I should be prepared in case her wish should come true! No matter how it came to be, I have made good Jewish boys very happy with my knowledge.


This may be why a friend of mine in Florida, SL, called to giggle with me about the fact that he heard that someone from his temple threw a swing party. He wasn't giggling about the swing party part of it, rather it was the idea that everyone there was of the Hebrew extraction. So far he had come up with these following guidelines for the All-Jewish Swing Party:

1. No one would bring alcohol, as no one would want to spend the money on it.

2. It is held at someone's house because why spend the money on a hotel when you have a perfectly good house, plus you can show off your new kitchen remodel.

3. No booze, but the food would be amazing and abundant.

3a. And would include a really spiff smoked fish platter.

4. Once the sex started, someone would walk in a room and say "What! You call that eating pussy? That's not how you do it! Here, let me show you!"

5. Other quotations might include "No! My wife doesn't like to be fucked like that! Why are you DOING that! Just do what I tell you to!!" and "Did you see what she's wearing? That lingerie is totally vredne! I wouldn't be caught dead!"

6. Next to each bed there would be a pretty ceramic dish with a complement of nail files for the ladies to use during.

7. In addition to the social rooms and the play/sex rooms there would also be a Mah Johng room!





"Other people have a nationality, the Irish and the Jews have a psychosis"
-Brendan Behan